SAHM (stay at home mum)

This is my first week of being a full time SAHM and I have to say, I do not like it. Nope. Full time SAHM is not for me. Now, I hear you thinking - but she hasn't even given it a chance. One week? Blah. And you're right. I haven't. But I knew. I know. I cannae do it. So, time to speak to the hubby about getting a free day pass once a week.



pic via 2or3things

Less is more

Well, sometimes, more is more.

But I'm talking about quality rather than quantity for the sake of accumulating 'stuff'.

More - when it's about keeping up with the Joneses or about trying to buy happiness is NOT a good thing. More - when we are talking about things that make our heart shine and our faces break into smile, that's where its at.

This morning I was wandering the halls of the blogosphere, as I often do, seeing where things take me and I came across this one.

Lovely.

There was a post there that mentioned more is more...in relation to his visit to Rome, I believe. I have to say I totally agree. Beautiful things that make the heart shine and the face smile.

Yeah.

I have been busy trying to make my home my sanctuary as things have gotten muddled for a while. Like the last decade or so as I have perpetually been living out of a suitcase of sorts, but actually I think even longer than that. Home has always been 'temporary' - I am a roamer at heart.

Itchy feet - ALWAYS. :-)

As soon as the roots start to take hold, I get a little scared off and begin thinking about the next place to go. Funny, but true. I sometimes wonder if its just that I'm in the wrong place and can't get settled and that there's a right place for me somewhere else OR if I will never be settled by a place per se, but require my own mental & emotional planting of roots somewhere.

Anywhere.

Hmmmn.

On another wandeling (as the Dutch call it I think), I was reading about an artist that always takes the time to make a place her home when she moves in, regardless of how long she plans to be there as she needs it in order to be able to create - it rung some bells for me as I never seem to do that. I can live in places for years and still have unpacked moving boxes or things in storage elsewhere. One foot in
and one foot out the door.

This is my pattern but its not a good one because I think I need to feel more grounded. I crave a space that is my own, from which I can create. A space that nourishes me, protects me - a sanctuary to call home. A place filled with (beautiful) things that make my heart shine and my face smile.

Well, even if nothing comes of it I think its worth a shot and it just might help me stick here for a while - I know my family needs me to. So, time to get out of the electronic world of mine, open my eyes and see the place around me and make it mine. I'll let you know what happens. I am starting with the 4 week kitchen cure via The Kitchn - wish me luck.

Have a lovely weekend - I am excited about the journey I am about to start!

Will I fly?

I feel like I am teetering on the edge of a cliff...if I jump, will I fly?

Then I see this in the blogosphere.

Time to jump.

ever tried
ever failed
no matter
try again
fail again

fail better

- samuel beckett

via http://2or3things.blogspot.com/

STORAGE (well, kind of)

My husband used to say, as another storage 'solution' (cupboards/shelving etc) entered the house - oh no! not MORE storage!!! He was lamenting the crazy world he had married into - that of a 'hoarder' - yours truly. He is of the other extreme, that of a 'waster' (from my perspective and as described by something starting with O... I'll find the quote later!). Never the twain shall meet...or so it seemed.

However, after 10 years together, I can truly say he is beginning to see the benefit of my ways. Well, some of them AND me, of his. The clutter that defined me (his theory was that it was my protective cocoon) is now beginning to be slowly shed, as I learn more about who I am and try to make some space in my life for two recent additions (my kids) which are much more important than all that 'stuff'.

Each day I promise to get rid of something else and I feel myself lighten with each thing that goes.

The strangest part of all of this is that the lightening also appears to be physical...having always struggled with my weight, I am now finding it drop off as each day passes. My husband is eternally slim. Weird coincidence? Perhaps. All I know is that it is happening and not much else has changed in my life apart from my new space clearing, de-cluttering ways. Perhaps its all that physical actvity involved with going through my stuff each day! (wink)

Anyway, just mentioning that as a side note.

The emotional lightening is refreshing. Simplifying my life (and yes, organising the things we need and also want tokeep for various important reasons) is really helping me feel less stressed on a daily basis. I no longer feel like the mouse on the wheel, running running running to keep up but have managed to stop and get off and enjoy more timewith my husband, my kids, my friends and most importantly, myself. I'd forgotten how much I really like time with myself. I'm pretty cool company I have to say. And I make myself laugh. Yep - I should definitely do more of this.

I also seem to be on a 'green' journey, like a lot of other people these days, I think some of it is influenced by the media and the rest has a lot to do with becoming a parent and wondering what world I will be leaving to my kids. The reasons aren't as important as the journey I am on so I haven't really thought much about them. Each day I try to learn more and feel that living life more simply is the way to go. Expectation seems to be a big big factor on my journey. So much is possible these days that we seem to almost expect to be entertained all the time and being bombarded with information and inputsevery second is 'normal'. So, this is what we expect and a lot of us have forgotten what it is to enjoy the simple things in life, which, truth be told, for me are the best. Like stopping to excite our sense of smell by closing our eyes and sniffing a spring rose bloom. Letting a cube of rich creamy exquisite chocolate slowly melt in our mouths. Giving someone a big bear hug. Things like these are what our bodies crave. Connection to other people. Connection with ourselves and our senses (yes - ALL 5 of them!)...but, getting back to expectation.

Expectation can get in the way of happiness.

This reminds me of a recent trip to the South of France with some good friends who live in London. My husband & I very much looked forward to catching up with them over the week we had planned together and just hanging out, relaxing, cooking, eating and talking as we hadn't seen them for over 6 months. They seemed to have trouble settling into thistype of relaxed holiday, however, I think from having come from a capital city like London, where you are constantly bombarded with stuff to do. They wanted to 'do stuff' every day while we wanted to chill out and not do much at all! Our expectations of the place we were in therefore clouded our views of the holiday. We felt a little like we didn't really get a chance to relax like we would have liked and they felt like they didn't get to do much as there wasn't much to do in the town we stayed in. Needless to say, we all enjoyed each others' company and the lovely sunshine of the south of France but did come away with other less positive feelings too - all completely as a result of our expectations.

So, consider what you expect each day. Of yourself. Of your friends and family. And of life in general. What do you think others expect of you and how much do you care? Are you expected to live the high life? To aspire to riches and wealth (ofthe rock star/movie star kind)? Think about what you aspire to. And why? Think about the things that really make you smile. And laugh. And, if you have kids or know anyone that does, watch them at play. Serious play. Are they happy? Yes indeed.

With those parting questions, I am off to play with my daughter. More on the green stuff later.

Tipxo

Really enjoyed this post from Karine (Bodie & Fou) on decor8's site so thought I'd share the link...http://decor8blog.com/2009/08/07/bodie-and-fou-my-favorite-things/

To brush or not to brush?

I had to show you my dustpan as I'm lovin' it so much. Amazing what you think about while sweeping. I was entirely appreciating it's ability to mould close to the ground to minimise the ground-pan gap while trying to pick up the breadcrumbs from my daughter's breakfast fiasco. And quite a stylish little number too. Form AND function - my idea of heaven!!!!!

Now, if I could find out if it's been produced in a sustainable way then I'd be ecstatic.

Though, polyprophylene, specially-produced wood and Chinese pig bristles do not get my hopes up.

My e-ner-geeee

Have been thinking about energy a bit the last couple of days...because I don't seem to have any - partly related to my trial dairy free week (to try to help with the bub's green poo - say no more!) and partly because of my utter un-preparedness for the said dairy free week. (Uh - what exactly did I think I was going to eat?!). Anway, that's a whole other post but back to my energy question...

So, I was using the dustpan this morning - we have a cute designer one that was a gift so I quite enjoy using it; I figure being active is a good thing and all and I feel like I'm saving on energy use by not vacuuming - but then started to wonder. These days, a lot of folks have electrical equipment to replace a lot of the 'old school' items like brooms/dustpan & brush but even electric toothbrushes but is this necessarily a bad thing?

The question I am pondering is - is more energy expended using the electrical replacements which take less time than if we went back and expended our own energy doing these things (taking twice the amount of time or more)?

Food production does use vast amounts of resources and well, we need to eat to have the energy to do these things right?

I'm not sure. What do you reckon? :-)

My husband works for an environmental consultancy so I guess I should go ask him. It's just that he makes it really complicated (they even sell software to help people figure it all out)! He'd probably also want to compare the life cycle of the dustpan & brush to the vaccum cleaner or something. And specifically how much and what I would eat in order to sweep for 5 minutes. Blah. Why does it have to be so hard?

Actually, he'd probably just tell me to get off the computer already. Oops. My bad. What should I give up for my computer habit?! So long as it isn't my daily cup 'o Joe then I should be fine.

Stay slim & save the world

"The links between overeating and climate change are becoming clearer. A study at the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine concluded that an average (sized) individual emits about a tonne less carbon dioxide a year than a fat one.

"'When it comes to food consumption, moving about in a heavy body is like driving around in a gas guzzler,' say the authors, Phil Edwards and Ian Roberts."

From the Financial Times Health magazine, May 2009.

Hmm...more reason for me to get that diet sorted! :-)

Tractatie

Geez I'm good. (Haha - I almost wrote 'god'...but I digress.) Am so proud of my efforts getting all the gifts for E's little creche buddies done last night. Well, all I actually did was stick some notes onto bubble blowing bottles but hey, I did have to think of what to say, print them out and stick them on to all 22 of them! Pretty good effort if you ask me. I doubt she will ever know about it (unless she reads this blog one day!). Anyhoo, I think I did good. One down, several hundred to go over the course of her lifetime & her brothers'!

Apricots or peaches?

I am such a proud mama...to the peaches, I mean. Or are they apricots? Don't know but am still proud. We finally 'harvested' the tree in the back yard today after returning from vacation to find quite a bit of fruit on the ground. Aaah - it's so cool to be able to grow your own and eat it too - it just seems to taste all that much better that way! Now - let's see how the kiwis go. :-)

Monday morning blues

This is the problem with weekends. Apart from going to fast, you also have too much fun and then Monday morning is a drag. I say this and I don't even have to go into the office as I'm not working right now. We had friends over for brunch on Saturday (the little girls had a great time playing) and then on Sunday, the bunnies we are adopting arrived before we headed off to Heerjansdam for Ava's 1st birthday party. E had an absolute blast, running around with bikes and pushing prams and splashing about in the kiddie pool! The weather turned on the warmth but with a bit of cloud cover, so I didn't need to stress too much about her lilly white skin getting sunburnt. I've been told I stress too much but hey, sunburn sucks and she is only 2 after all.


So, today, back to the reality of daily life again. My tasks for the day are to figure out a good bunny diet plan (I might try to sort out mine while I'm at it as the weight is returning) then do the grocery shopping for the week; finish the 'tractatie' for E's friends at creche as she's 'graduating' to a different group tomorrow (here in the Netherlands at creche when your kids have a birthday or something you are expected to give out little pressies to the other kids - I still find this a little odd) and post the kid's clothes I am sending to Orange Babies for charidee. And of course, pick E up from creche, make dinner and do the washing in addition to feeding and playing with Al. Ah, I am getting tired just writing about it but best get cracking!

Til later, txo

Peonies

I am so flower illiterate. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE flowers (which is why living in the Netherlands rocks) but I just have no idea what most of them are called, beyond the usual Roses and Tulips! So, anyway, I had been reading so much about Peonies (sp?) and finally saw a picture of them and realised that yep, I quite liked them too. I bought a bunch on a whim on Saturday and they have been lovely...the only problem is that is has been warm (finally -hurrah!) and they had blossomed quite madly...I looked at them yesterday and for some reason they remind me of fat chickens stuffed into a coop awaiting slaughter. Not good. I can't but wonder though why I thought of that...weird. I don't think I' be buying Peonies again or perhaps I need to put them in a different vase!


It's been a nice day today as I finally caught up for a 'chat' with an old school friend (as in, someone I haven't been to school with for at least 30 years) because I was up at sparrow's fart this morning! She still lives in Singapore where we went to school together. She reminded me that I used to torment the little boy that was her her upstairs neighbour ... apparently I used to hit him with a hairbrush while we waited for the school bus! And here I am thinking I was such a lovely kid...so that's where my daughter gets it from!

Confessions of a 'granma'...

So, at 9pm I thought, right, I am going to bed...now, 2 hours later, here I am! I'm not asleep though as I thought I really should write something first. Trying to type quietly as the little fella is dropping off to sleepland beside me in his moses basket...

Anyhow, once again I had a great blog in my head, albeit fleetingly. All I can remember is that I was thinking of my mother. I miss her. I think I'll call her tomorrow. She used to drive me insane, but over the years we have both mellowed and well, I moved to the other side of the world. I hope my daughter doesn't decide that's her only option when she's older. But hey, from what I hear, we're doomed to repeat ourselves over and over so I expect that she will. I have learned some lessons though so perhaps she'll visit more often!

Aaaah, my mother. When I told her my surprise (pregnant with EK, her first grandchild) she said "Oh. I'm too old to be a grandmother." At 72, I guess I can understand, but hey, it's not my fault she only had me at age 37!! She then proceeded to ask me why I waited so long (even though I was younger than she was). Then once again pregnant with Ally boy, the first grandson, she said "You've already got one, why do you want another?". I've decided to interpret that as she loved me so much she couldn't imagine having another and being able to share the love, though I really know that she was in labour for so long that she couldn't imagine going through the pain again (only because she reminds me of this now and again, 38 years later!). She doesn't mince words my mother. I guess that's where I get it from, though I do try to temper it a little as most people really don't want that much honesty. You gotta love her for it though - it's who she is and she isn't really trying to be anything else. Having said that, a little more excitement would have gone down quite nicely at the time.

The only notable thing today is that I have fallen in lust for a Nikon D90. I NEEEEED a new camera as our canon brick is really not managing to capture all those wonky smiles Ally keeps giving me. Unfortunately we have no money so I can but dream...though the D40 is quite affordable and might just tide me over until I go back to work again...if I do, that is. Then I can show you some photos instead of all this blah blah blah.

Before I go, a blog I stumbled upon today on my exploration adventures in cyberspace...I am sending the kids clothes as per Pia's appeal to Orange Babies as I am close to Amsterdam...if you are too, then why don't you do the same?

http://blog.piajanebijkerk.com/WordPress/

Night night, txo

Techno overload

OK. Well, I was going to bed but I can't help but wonder...with all this technology and all these options, how does anyone choose what to use? So, there's Flickr, Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook and Blogger...and then some...I need some serious help I think with my web 'presence'.

Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!! LOL. I crack myself up. Web presence...right, I'm really going now.

blah blah blah blah blah

You know...I am oh so funny. In my head that is. And cool. Yeah, quite cool. Oh hell, I am also gorgeously slim and terribly stylish - all that and able to eat ice cream every day.

....

....

....

One can but dream, huh?

I am also a great blogger. People LURVE reading my blog. Yeah. I wish. One of these days I might be. Someone might actually read it and say hello. Not that I'm writing for other people per se...I'm writing it all down before I go senile and can't show my kids how cool I am. Hehe. Something like that.

And well, I quite like reading my old posts. I make me laugh. I also need the help to remember stuff that's happened. Once again, for the kids. ;-)

So many things to say and nothing else is coming out. Blah. Blah blah blah blah blah...can someone tell me how to get those 'great' blogs I randomly have in my head on paper?!

Gotta go for now - 11pm is way past my bedtime...and I need to 'sleep on' the job offer I got today. I should be happy about it but...something doesn't feel quite right. Hmm.

Night night. Mwah, txo

Flowers in the loo?

Well, what do you think? Never put flowers in the loo before but it seemed a waste of the nice arrangement I made for papa's breakfast tray yesterday, so...

All I know is every time I went to the loo that they made me smile. :-) And, well, that's really all that matters, isn't it?

Father's Day

I am so totally impressed with myself! Hehehe. What a spread I reckon - all this without a kitchen (ongoing renovation saga I'll save for a rainy day)...I even added some cut roses & lavender from the front of our house as he is quite fond of smelling the roses!

So, EK, AL & I brought the tray up to papa with a little gift EK made at creche for him (a bookmark). He was well chuffed (& so was I). :-)

Flickr & IKEA

So I had a brainwave...put all the renovation photos on Flickr and keep the blog a bit shorter. Wheeeeee. I am such a newbie in the land of technology but I am learnin'! So, once I figure out Flickr then I'll let you know where the photos are. :-)


In the interim, here is a photo that has me filled with envy...bring on the 'pod' chairs as Moo calls them (actually they're Tulip chairs). Um...if I knew where this shot was from I would credit it but I'm not that organised as yet...actually, I think I have seen it a few times in a few different places...






I am off to see what I can find to furnish our new kitchen with that 'evokes' this without the $$$ (hey, if I had the $$$ then definitely would go for the real thing!)...IKEA does a couple of cool things like that...I wonder, does anyone out there think IKEA products will become design 'icons' one day? I vote for this light - it's pretty cool...unfortunately, mass produced means it is EVERYWHERE (including our front room!)......and well, pretty much a lot of the IKEA Stockholm series of stuff is pretty OK too.


Right, gotta fly, baybeeee duties!


'til later,



txo

Our attic apartment renovation Part 1 - before...

Well, it's been a while since this all happened and we have since sold our lovely attic apartment with roof terrace in Amsterdam and moved to the 'burbs'...well, it's what I call the suburbs but most people would say a 15 minute walk from the city centre isn't really suburbia...but hey, there's only 300,000 people in this 'city'!!! ;-) More on the new place later + photos but now...here's what we did. Part one, the before photos:

At the top of the 69 steps to our apartment...were some scarier spiral stairs to the roof terrace.

Yep - very scary...even worse on the way down...especially after a few drinks with an alfresco dinner on the terrace on a summer's evening!
This is the old kitchen...the WHOLE kitchen...where's the fridge you ask?! Yes I wondered that myself until I opened the cupboard across the hall...needless to say, that is not where we put our fridge - clearly those folk did not entertain much.
A view across the kitchen to the dining space (the door in the kitchen leads to the bathroom).
More of the dining space.

The living room/study (with piles of things that had no home yet...).

Looking back the other way to the kitchen (um...please excuse the laundry!).

The bedroom.

The storage room ("walk in wardrobe"!).

Only 55sqm but it was ours and that was exciting after too many years of living in other peoples places. :-) We could do whatever we wanted to it - yay! Little did I know then how difficult renovations/builders can be and that, in fact, you can't do anything you want even if it was only the inside of your home...the council needed to know and approve everything...the beginning of our 2 year long nightmare...ahem, sorry, learning experience!

I love my friends...

so, i'm sitting at home watching the builders make a mess again after a relatively clean & tidy long weekend and thinking..ugh, 'here we go again', when my favourite postman rings the door bell. in his hands a mysterious package for moi! i love it when packages arrive and i don't know what's in them!! there's no return sender on the box so i open it up anyway and find a wonderful care package with REN goodies in it! i absolutely love their products and was ecstatic, to say the least, as we couldn't possibly afford that kind of luxury right now. who could love me this much - i wondered?! :-) a tiny little card at the bottom held a message from my friends in brisbane, dale and rachael, who sent this to me because mothers deserve a little pampering now and again. i am truly loved. aaah...the mess just got much easier to put up with - tonight, i am having a bath!

wowsers! has it really been TWO WHOLE YEARS???!!

and a bit...gosh. bad tippaniny. well, a LOT has happened since then so here's a quickie update.

had my daughter Esther Kate on May 23rd 2007...luckily we managed to get back into our apartment, though renovations took a wee bit longer...photos to follow!

then in 2008, we sold up unpectedly and moved cities to a new (very grown up looking) 3 storey terraced house. a good thing really as i found out a few months later i was pregnant again! once again, contrary to my own advice, renovation planning ensued. this time, i managed to get back into our house 2 days before the contractions started.

yes - i am insane.

but i like to think it's a 'good' kinda crazy. :-)

anyway, i'm not working right now, hence the return to my blog (and am also avoiding doing my taxes like the plague)!

oh! and finally, i had my son ally on easter monday this year. he's now reminding me he's here so 'til next time.